12 Steps… The New Guide to Parenting

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    12stepsSM
    Like in any 12-step program there is a key to success. Each step builds on the one before and you have to master them all in order for them to be successful. Reflect on what you have learned, share your story and what you have learned and if you are really committed to the program. Only after completing it you will find success.

    There is no difference in the 12-step parenting. However, I’m not sure if you ever graduate or enter “recovery.” Even when your kiddos grow up and leave the nest, you still worry about them and their lives. It is just part of the program
    This program works best prior to conception. However, it can be started at anytime. Follow the 12-step guide to parenting! Now, work it, commit to it and enjoy every minute of it!

    12- Steps Parenting Program…

    Step 1:

    Learn how to live off of as little amount of sleep as possible. And no, just for the record you will not sleep again after the first three months. That is false, people. The fears, worries and sleepless night do not end ever!

    Step 2:

    Learn how to toilet quick! You will never toilet in peace. Forget about reading the paper. Your child will be walking in on you, talking through the door and yelling “hurry up, mommy”! Farewell privacy. Bye bye!

    Step 3:

    Master the art of making “things” disappear! Like Houdini.

    Step 4:

    Forget how to change the batteries! Especially in those loud obnoxious toys that Grammy likes to give! Or throw out all the screwdrivers.

    Step 5:

    Learn how to make peanut butter & jelly, grilled cheese, hot dogs, scrambled eggs and Mac & Cheese! Forget about your gourmet meals.

    Step 6:

    Master the art of ignoring. It can come in handy with spouses, too!

    Step 7:

    Be prepared to accept any bodily fluid or solid in you hand! Don’t be shocked to be handed a piece of poop or to catch puke in you hand!

    Step 8:

    Master the art of seeing out of the eyes in the back of your head. They grew when I became a parent! And do not be shocked if child tries to glue some on the back of his head and on his ears!

    Step 9:

    Learn children’s songs and shows. And do not be shocked if you are watching them 30 minutes after your child has gone to bed.

    Step 10:

    Be prepared for public announcements. Usually at the most inappropriate times! Like, random public check ins. “Mommy and Daddy do you have to go pee or poop?” or “Mommy doesn’t like that,” when being served something at your in-laws.

    Step 11:

    Always, I mean always, keep a bottle of wine or some kind of alcohol in the house.

    Step 12:

    Work hard and master each of these steps and you will be the best 12-stepper ever!

    Parenting is no different than working the 12 steps in any other program. Recovery is possible. However, unfortunately it is only after your children have their own family and, let’s face it, recovery just does not really happen. As much as you work the steps and commit to the program, you can never become a parent in recovery!

    Humor

    Comments (21)

    1. Pingback: Blog of the Week: Thank You Honey! - Northeast Bloggers Network

    2. So fun! I don’t drink, so #11 is out for me, but I just replace drinking with chocolate. Which of course, is not good for the waist line. 🙂

    3. I love everything about this list! Too funny! And so accurate. There are so many things about parenting that could drive you crazy if you let it… you must to have a sense of humor to survive and thrive!

    6. I love it – especially the art of ignoring. I’ve been practicing that one on my husband today because he needs to be ignored today. Oh and the sleep one – that goes away at some point, right? Right? Um… Right?

    7. This was hilarious!! I completely agree with forgetting how to change batteries! It is annoying how many annoying toys there are and the grandparents LOVE buying them. I swear its payback for our childhoods! I ALWAYS have some alcoholic beverage ready on a moments notice!

    8. The learning to use the potty super fast is so very true – and that was the first thing I learned!

    11. Hahahaahah! Awesome tips! Badly need this right now! I never learn, especially the batteries, I always forget that musical toys are evil!

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